Ronda's Rules

(for male behavior in relationships).

Or, "What I Learned from Ronda."

 

by Jason Mack

Ronda was my first lover. When we met I was 19 and she had just turned 18. Much of what I know about relationships comes from her. Ronda is a free spirit, and thus had to be let go of, in order to show her proper respect. "I'll always remember."

 

 

1) Gender equality in practice, the theory being previously agreed. Both Ronda and I believe completely that the genders are equal.

 

Some things I've learned about that since:

• The toilet seat goes down in her place, but it also goes up in mine.
• Equal rights also means equal responsibility. For both sexes.
• Put your money where your mouth is. Neither a liberal nor a conservative, I am a card-carrying member of NOW.

2) Thou shalt remove or add facial hair according to her preference.

 

3) First meeting, or "date," should be at someplace neutral, friendly, well-lit, not too noisy, and very public. 24-hour breakfast places work well for this.

 

4) Ronda's Theory of Commitment:

 

All relationships are open. It's just that some don't admit it. Commitment and sexual exclusivity in a relationship are two very different and separate things. Commitment, per Ronda, is always at 100% (or 0%) and never exceeds 24 hours in duration. Just one day at a time.

 

Sexual exclusivity, on the other hand, is a null concept (meaningless) in Ronda's world.

 

Since a self-renewing, 24 hour long, 100% commitment can be ended by either party at any time, this style means relationship breakups needn't ever be nasty. It also means that the nature of the relationship can change from lovers to friends, and even back to lovers again. She might say, "Acceptance is the key."

 

5) Ronda's Theory of Maximum Pleasure:

 

If sex is, as agreed, an exchange of pleasure for pleasure, then we are wasting our time if each does not give the other maximum pleasure. Both trade of pleasure and of maximum pleasure can be seen as a 50/50 equal trade under the auspices of gender equality.

 

  A) Corollary. Since her maximum pleasure far outstrips mine (or any man's for that matter), then an equal 50/50 trade of maximum pleasure requires me to stay involved to the end of her satisfaction, to not give up early, to not give in to tiredness, and to refrain from the attitude of "I got mine." Essentially, to wear her out the same way she wore me out.

 

  B) A HOWTO based on Ronda's Theory (Note: The work "fuck" is used here only in the good sense). Ronda's opinion is that we start Friday afternoon after work (Friday can be any day of the week, given that the next two days are totally free):

1. Prepare
   • make sure that there is plenty of high-energy food and rehydrating beverages for 3 days (may need a store run)
   • all clocks and watches are out of the bedroom or turned off/not worn; alarms and hourly chimes are not allowed
   • all windows/doors are closed/locked or open/unlocked, as agreed
   • TV on or off as agreed; usually off except for breaks or possibly for adult material of mutual interest
   • no clothes, except appropriate sexual accoutrement, allowed until Monday morning
2. Fuck like bunnies until Monday morning.
   • Only dehydration, hunger or sleep deprivation indicate need for a break. Rehydrate, eat and sleep as needed to fuck some more.
   • Nothing is off limits.
3. Do not be suprised/offended if she calls in the relief troops (male or female, singly or in teams; The Dallas Cowboys may be adequate) after you leave for work Monday. Do expect her to be open about it. Do get over any jealous feelings. Just try harder next time.

6) Definitely a Ronda Rule, but expressed best by Robert Heinlein: "It is always better to copulate than never."

 

7) She does not have to justify herself to me.

I dedicate each relationship I have to her name.

© 2005 "For the world" by Jason Mack with love toward all, but especially Ronda.