Herman was born on a cold December day,
Born down beside the lake, or so the people say.
Herman was born with a fishin' pole in his hand,
Spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand.

Herman grew up quick; Herman grew up mean,
His skill behind a casting rod was something to be seen.
Herman was the best in all the whole durn land,
Spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand

Down in Texas lived a bass called Ol' Calijah,
You'd think you had him caught, but he'd get loose behind ya.
Calijah was the smartest bass in all the whole durn land,
Spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand.

Herman went to Texas on one fine hot summer day,
Gonna challenge Ol' Calijah; yeah, that's what they say.
Herman went on down, his casting rod in hand,
Blood was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand.

They took up their positions; Herman in his boat,
Calijah way down in that dark and dreary moat.
Herman's only weapon was his casting rod in hand,
But spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand

Herman banged out a long and beautiful cast,
Calijah didn't know how long that he could last.
Herman casted farther than any man in the land,
Spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand.

Calijah saw the lure, and he swallowed it right in,
He gave a jerk, a lunge, a leap, and spit it out again.
Calijah was the smartes bass in all the whole durn land,
Spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand.

Herman gave a long hard look right at his great big lure,
He wanted Ol' Calijah, that one thing was for sure.
Herman casted for so long he could no longer stand,
But spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand.

Way into the cold dark night, on the battle raged,
Herman had begun to feel a twinge of middle age.
Herman was the tiredest man in all the whole durn land,
But spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand.

Herman cast and cast till he could cast no more,
Then he picked himself up and banged out just one more.
He pulled his boat up on the shore and fell out on the land,
The spit had left his eye, and his gut had lost its sand.

Herman awakened and crawled back to his boat,
Then he started out, back across the moat.
He got Calijah hooked; had him almost in his hand,
Spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand.

Herman had Calijah just a-floppin' in his boat,
Floating somewhere in that dark and dismal moat.
That sight was one that Herman just couldn't stand,
Though spit was in his eye, and his gut was full of sand.

Herman set Calijah free that dark and lonesome night,
Because somehow he could see that this just wasn't right.
Herman's still the best in all the whole durn land,
Spit's still in his eye, and his gut's still full of sand.

©Dennis Turner 1997