It has often been said, occasionally even by me, that in order to write tall tales one must, oneself, be tall. This has, in fact, been proven to be a statement utterly devoid of truth, for it has recently been brought to my attention that one of the most successful tall tale writers of recent years, the Reverend Ian Pembroke of Stoke-on-Trent England, was not at all tall. It may, in fact, be rightly said, that he was, as it were, quite small.

How small was he, you ask. Well, I thought you never would. He was, I am told, so diminutive that he could fit into an ordinary aspirin bottle. This writer of tall tales, this creator of lanky literature, this elucidator of elevated enunciations was, in fact, so small that his toilet was a thimble. The Reverend Pembroke resigned from the Church and sought his living, such as it was, in the writing of his particular literary genre. He did not make a great deal of money, but one so small obviously required very little. Thus, he subsisted quite well until his rather tragic demise. A death, in fact, precipitated by one of the taller of his tales. And thereby, as the saying goes, hangs a tale (or is it a tail?).

It seems that the good reverend had written a particularly tall tale entitled "The Tale of the Cat's Tail." This tale was rather critical of the feline species. Upon reading the story, his cat, Mr. Tiggles, who was of normal size, became quite indignant. Now, I know what you are thinking, but I assure you that it isn't so. Mr. Tiggles most assuredly did not eat the good reverend. He did, however, become so choleric that he left home and joined the infamous Feline Foreign Legion where he became rather well known as one of the three mouseketeers who rescued England from the throes of the bubonic plague. That, however, is quite another story, or at least it should be. The tragic truth is that in the absence of his faithful feline, the Reverend Pembroke was eaten by mice.

So as we now approach the end of our tale you will realize that I have, without a doubt, demonstrated that tall tales can be, and indeed have been, written by those who suffer from a lack of loftiness. Certain tall tale creators have been, as we have seen, quite extraordinarily small. Oh yes, and just one more thing; although I am of only average height, this, my tale, has been and shall remain quite tall.

©Dennis Turner 1997