ELVIS PREGNANT

by Ben Dover

Our sources reveal that Elvis Presley, who has been living in a homosexual menage a trois with JFK and Hitler for the past seven years in a small Kentucky mountain town has become pregnant. Local gynecologist Dr. Speck Yoolum reports that Elvis came to him for a pregnancy test early last month. "Yep, the rabbit died," said Dr. Yoolum. I journeyed to this small town in Kentucky yesterday to authenticate the story. I will not reveal the name of the town or its precise location in order to maintain the privacy of the parents to be, however I was invited into the surprisingly modest home shared by the three not quite dead recluses.

My first question, of course, was who is the father. JFK began laughing. "Everybody knows Adolf has been impotent for years. I'm the father, of course. Elvis merely smiled his agreement while Hitler dozed on the sofa, recovering from a late night drinking binge at a local bar. "Adolf likes his schnapps a bit too much," JFK added.

The parents to be seem as proud as any expectant family. They are working on a nursery which will be decorated in shades of red and black in honor of Hitler's past. Hitler will be named as the child's godfather, said Elvis. I asked about the due date, and was told by Elvis, "Dr. Yoolum has never had a male patient before, so he's really not certain, but his best guess is sometime in late August.

Elvis reports that he has had an ultrasound and everything appears to be normal. The child, a boy, will tentatively be named Adolf Fitzgerald Presley, although the trio is still considering other possibilities according to JFK. As I was concluding my visit, Hitler awakened and shouted drunkenly, "Get out of here you filthy Jew boy!" This reporter was deeply offended at the use of such language by a former world leader. I am not, in any case, Jewish, so the laugh's on him. I did, however, beat a hasty retreat while Elvis shouted "You come back when the baby's born, ya hear?"

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